Well,
despite screwing up Halloween this year I’m at least managing to update fairly
regularly. Which means that once a month I get a free pass to be bitter, snide
and rude to anybody I like. Hey! You know who that reminds me of? Women:
My
wife found the diary I keep charting her monthly cycle so I could tell when her
moods would change – and all hell broke loose!
She
is 34 and suffers from a severe form of PMS. I’m 40 and I’m not sure how much
more I can take. She
has just left and taken her youngest children to her mother’s, leaving me and
our oldest here. Both the children were sobbing. She
yelled at me: “What kind of f***ing man are you? Grow a pair of b***s.” My life
is a living hell.
She
keeps accusing me of cheating when she gets this way. I either get the silent
treatment or a petty row erupts into a massive argument. I’m either at home or
at work – I’d never cheat on her. Why
can’t she see that her hormones are turning her into a monster once a month.
---Wow.
Okay. I want to call you a dumbass for letting her find the diary, but the idea
to find the diary itself was pretty shrewd. I guess you average out as being of
normal intelligence.
The
diary is a step most men would never have thought of on their own. So thank you
for passing that on, along with the importance of why such a document should
always be well hidden.
Rest
assured that your sacrifice isn’t in vain, and you have helped millions of men
who have to face their own she devils on a monthly basis. To honour your
sacrifice, when your horribly mutilated remains are inevitably found, I will do
everything I can to make sure you are sainted and buried on consecrated ground.
I hope this gives you some comfort as you stare down your own mortality.
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